Thirty One

I actually forgot that my birthday is today until I looked at my calendar yesterday and saw it there. Thirty-one. Eh. Thirty hit me hard. Thirty-one not so much. I want to say that thirties are much better than twenties but it’s a different time and place.

The last year has been about growing and expanding and ups and downs and has been really pretty great, overall.

I’m sitting on my couch, the rust colored one I fell in love-at-first-sight with at Ikea — the one which I brought home and found I didn’t know how to make work in my apartment. I’m sitting on my couch with my cat to my right who is curled up on my laptop sleeve and partly on my campfire shaped pillow.

I’m writing a blog post because I thought this was a good idea. I sat down at about 5 PM on Wednesday afternoon to write it and my mind went blank the way it does when paralyzed with fear.

I listened to the latest Doing the Work with Jay and Becca podcast and it was so great and I felt so uplifted and in alignment and I thought this is great, I should really be able to write this post now.

Except nope.

I ordered pizza, had a drink, stared at the white screen. Refreshed Twitter about a gazillion times. Went into checking mode.

What am I supposed to write?

Went into researching mode: What have others done? How do I get over this fear? Who am I even writing this for? Who’s my audience?

And it’s just so perfect because the last year has really been about doing the work to become more of who I am which I expect to sound extremely cheesy. That means letting go of perfection (or at least becoming aware of it) and becoming aware of the fact that we all tell ourselves self-limiting stories, that we all have shame, are concerned with how we’re perceived by others and the consequences of these things on our lives.

The last year I have become really quite passionate about personal development. I’ve taken courses, read a bunch of books, listened to a ton of podcasts, done a lot of work personally, too.

Lately I’ve become kind of obsessed with the law of attraction and to be quite honest, I am really dying to explore how it all relates to creativity but I am hesitant to do so on my personal website. I think I just need permission. As Chris Lema would say, it’s my house, I’ll do what I want. Hey, I’m a creative professional human. It should fit right in here.

Here’s to another trip around the sun. Wee!

3 Comments on “Thirty One

  1. Happy 31st!!! Eek when i think of that coming up it’s scary! Yet it sounds like we’ve both been looking into similar things this last year, so can’t be all that bad right?!

    1. Right!! Thanks, Ngaire!

  2. Happy 31st! This blog is so touching… with me. Thirty knocks the door. Sometimes I understand the feeling of comparison is not real, but feeling keeps coming… Just a moment to love yourself, to relax…

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